The best animal jokes

Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
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has 32.71 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, internet, IT
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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has 32.47 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, horse
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, money
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
A guy goes into an antique shop. He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat. He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him. He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is. The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it. The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat. So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop. After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around. There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder. He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run. Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him. He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river. All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown. The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop. As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you? The customer says no I didn't. Have you got a brass Nigger?
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has 31.91 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, customer service, money, racist
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
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has 31.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, money
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