How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"
Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit. She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?" A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?" The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Q. What did the frog say to the fly? A. You are really starting to bug me!
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.