The best animal jokes

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
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has 33.71 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, women
Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food? A:Because they can't catch it!
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Full name: John 2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. 3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. 4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. 5. Mental health: mentally retarded. 6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. 7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail 8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock. 9. Working motivation: none. I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, work
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, nurse
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
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has 32.77 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, fart, women
A guy goes into an antique shop. He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat. He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him. He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is. The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it. The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat. So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop. After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around. There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder. He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run. Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him. He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river. All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown. The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop. As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you? The customer says no I didn't. Have you got a brass Nigger?
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has 32.65 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, customer service, money, racist
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