The best animal jokes

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, time, travel
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
Vote:
has 33.71 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, women
Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food? A:Because they can't catch it!
Vote:
has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Full name: John 2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. 3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. 4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. 5. Mental health: mentally retarded. 6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. 7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail 8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock. 9. Working motivation: none. I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John
Vote:
has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, work
How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!
Vote:
has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Vote:
has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, prison
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
Vote:
has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
Vote:
has 32.77 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, fart, women
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
Vote:
has 32.63 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, relationship
<<<135136137138
More jokes →
Page 135 of 152.