What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.