What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay? A: In the bridle suite.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a nigger? The pigeon is white and the nigger can’t fly!
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'