Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Brontosnorus.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"
What do you call fish poop? BassTurds!
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.