How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
What’s a black spot between two white spots? A fly with cotton wool in her ears!
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head. The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’ ‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’ ‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman. ‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence. After a while he asks surprised: Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs? Because I used only one leg for the stock.
Q. What's green and red? A. A very mad frog.
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.