The best animal jokes

The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a nigger? The pigeon is white and the nigger can’t fly!
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has 28.34 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, nurse
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand? A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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has 27.81 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, racist
What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!
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has 27.74 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, money
Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn? A: To buy some quack.
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck
One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play. Their mother said yes, but only for an hour. An hour later, only Out came back. Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In." About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In. Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly. "Easy." Out said. "In-stincts."
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy goes into an antique shop. He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat. He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him. He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is. The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it. The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat. So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop. After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around. There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder. He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run. Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him. He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river. All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown. The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop. As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you? The customer says no I didn't. Have you got a brass Nigger?
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has 27.69 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, customer service, money, racist
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