Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
Save the tree, eat a beaver.
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone? She thought children should be seen and not herded!
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit? It was an inn-grown hare.
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.