A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows." Farmer: "Not bunch, herd." Camper: "Heard what?" Farmer: "Of cows." Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows." Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd." Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Q: What animal could Noah not trust? A: Cheetah.