The best animal jokes

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit? It was an inn-grown hare.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”. The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!” The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?” The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”. The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
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has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, soccer
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies?" "Well, I liked the book!"
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal
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