The best animal jokes

The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Vote:
has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
Vote:
has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
Vote:
has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
Vote:
has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, mean
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
Vote:
has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, vulgar, work
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
Vote:
has 64.71 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
How are black people and wolves similar? They both fight in packs.
Vote:
has 64.59 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, racist
Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate? A: Pork Chop.
Vote:
has 64.51 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, sport
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy. They see two dogs going at it. The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?" The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy." That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama! The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?" He says "Oh, were making it a baby." The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, kids, sex
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Vote:
has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
<<<41424344
More jokes →
Page 41 of 153.