Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
Why was the little bear so spoiled? Because its mother panda d to its every whim.
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"