The best animal jokes

One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
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More jokes about: animal, military
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Vote: has 65.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, communication, kids, little Johnny, vulgar
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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More jokes about: animal
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
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More jokes about: animal
How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
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More jokes about: animal, elephant
Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow.
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More jokes about: animal
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
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More jokes about: animal, math


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