The best animal jokes

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
Vote:
has 63.80 % from 609 votes. More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon." Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
Vote:
has 63.76 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. "However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk. "In-stinct," replied Out.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat? He had to get a new goat.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor, food
<<<42434445
More jokes →
Page 42 of 153.