The best animal jokes

Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
White owl: who who. Black owl: who dat who dat.
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, racist
A bloke walks into a bar in the bush to discover a 44 gallon drum almost overflowing with $20 notes. He sits at the bar and orders a beer. A short while later one of the locals gets up, throws $20 into the drum and walks out the back. He soon returns shaking his head disgruntled and sits down. Five more minutes pass when another local does exactly the same. The bloke asks the bartender what is the go with the drum full of 20's . The bartender says that they have a donkey out the back that has never laughed in its life. So you simply throw in the $20 and have a go, if the donkey laughs then the drum and its contents are yours. Been going ten years so far. The young bloke gets up, throws his 20 into the drum and proceeds out the back.  Within seconds the donkey his laughing its head off.  As he strolls back inside all the locals ask what he did but he won't say and simply takes the drum full of cash and leaves. 10 years goes past and the young bloke decides to pay the pub another visit. This time he sees a drum overflowing with $50 notes in the middle of the room. He goes up to the bar tender and asks again what the deal is with the drum. The bartender says that they have the same donkey still out the back and seeing as he had made it laugh, the deal was you now had to make it cry but it was a 50 not a 20. The young bloke gets up, throws in his 50 and goes out the back. About a minute later the donkey is crying his eyes out and the young man returns to the bar. The locals beg him to tell them how he has done it as it has cost them a fortune attempting it. The young bloke says that to make him laugh he told the donkey his member was bigger than the donkeys. Everyone sighed and understood how easy that was and why didn't they think of it. Now they demanded to know what tactic he had used to make the donkey cry so miserably. The young bloke replied that it was quite simple as well, he just showed it to him.
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, blonde, money
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
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has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
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has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
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has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
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