Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
Why was the little bear so spoiled? Because its mother panda d to its every whim.