The best animal jokes

Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon." Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
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has 63.80 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 63.79 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, Thanksgiving
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, weed
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, money
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
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has 63.69 % from 607 votes. More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
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