One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote:
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
Vote:
Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Vote:
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
She'll cream you.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
Vote:
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."