The best animal jokes

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, work
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
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has 61.62 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls. The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.
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has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
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has 61.39 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
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has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, gay, sex
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
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has 61.35 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal
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