The best animal jokes

A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon." Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
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has 63.80 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. "However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk. "In-stinct," replied Out.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse? Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, mean
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
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has 63.74 % from 608 votes. More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, men, phone, women
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, math
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