The best animal jokes

A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around. „What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by. The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Vote: has 65.14 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Vote: has 65.08 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
Vote: has 65.02 % from 5 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Vote: has 64.93 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
Vote: has 64.90 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, geography