The best animal jokes

Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate? A: Pork Chop.
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, sport
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor. "Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly. "Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?" "Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
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has 63.39 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
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has 63.38 % from 398 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 63.35 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks. The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.” So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one. Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.” The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said “Potatoes.”
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, cop, ginger, prison
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal
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