Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.