The best animal jokes

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
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has 64.34 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
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has 63.98 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
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has 63.95 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook." "Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home." Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman." "What happened?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot. "Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?" "I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot, wife
Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
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has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well. First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
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