The best animal jokes

Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
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Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, cowboy, death
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
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More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, Chuck Norris
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Class: "Brotherly love."
Vote: has 64.35 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, love, school, teacher
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, relationship, sex
Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender


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