The best animal jokes

You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar
Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show? A: The feather forecast!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, duck
Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, Yo mama
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today" The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes." "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal
A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!” Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!” Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie. The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “Bullshit, come!” Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, dog
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, bible, fish
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
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