What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Two skunks were being chased by a bear.
As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?"
"Let us spray!" replied the other.
Why was the skunk angry?
He was incensed.
What is the best advice to give a worm?
Sleep late.
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row.
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab.
Did you find my horse well behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly.
So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other. They both got amnesia from the crash.
"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.
"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."
"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"
"And what am I?" asked the skunk.
"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smelly, with a strip in the middle..."
"Wow!", yelled the skunk, "Probably I'm an ass!"