The best animal jokes

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, disgusting, morbid, music
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
Vote: has 63.51 % from 604 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
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More jokes about: animal, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
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More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, beauty, phone, school, science
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, beer, men, phone, women