What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture.
Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"!
Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep.
He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"?
Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
The judge:
Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association?
The inculpated:
Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."
What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.
"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.
What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common?
You can't f**k with either one.