The best animal jokes

Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, mean, sport, time
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, money
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, wife
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?" The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man is walking through the wood and he meets a really ugly, big and a fat frog. The frog says: "Hello, prince if you kiss me, I will fulfill you one wish. You can wish whatever you want." The man says: "Ok, I will kiss you." He kisses the frog, he has told her his wish but nothing has happened. And the frog said: "Now you can see, such an old man and still believes in fairy tales."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, mean, stupid
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
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