What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully!
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get?
Half and half.
What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast Moosmallows.