A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.
''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack.
May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog.
''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form.
''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer.
''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer.
''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure.
Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
Tarzan stripes forever.
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.
Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent.
They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.