The best animal jokes

How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
Vote:
has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Vote:
has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
Vote:
has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, travel
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
Vote:
has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
Vote:
has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox? A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
Vote:
has 58.28 % from 436 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
Vote:
has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Vote:
has 58.15 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, jewish
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Vote:
has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, elephant, sex
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
Vote:
has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, lawyer
<<<63646566
More jokes →
Page 63 of 153.