The best animal jokes

A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a naked deer? A: Buck naked!
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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has 58.98 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
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has 58.86 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off. He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum. As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?" The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips." The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure. The cowboy said, "Nope. But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, husband
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, travel
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