The best animal jokes

What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
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has 57.36 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, mean, sport, time
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
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has 57.17 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" God responds, "You are what you are" The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question. One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes" The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
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has 57.10 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, racist
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, god
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