The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?" The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
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A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
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More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Vote: has 60.24 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
A man runs over a cat. The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner. He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers. The man says, ‘I’m so sorry. I’ve just run over your cat. Can I replace it?’ ‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady. ‘How are you at catching mice?’
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More jokes about: animal
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’ Boy: ‘I’m not. I’m just holding it. It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
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Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
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Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him... Get away from my nuts.
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More jokes about: animal