The best animal jokes

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, travel
Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, life, music
What are cows favorite party games? MOO-sical chairs.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, music
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
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