The best animal jokes

What's a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, ugly, work
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, Thanksgiving
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, weed
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?  A: She liked kids...
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, doctor, kids
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