The best animal jokes

Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
has 56.66 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll.
has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.  The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running.  About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.  He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.  The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.  The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.  The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third fucking rooster I bought this month." Moral of this story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, fart
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, elephant, sex
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
has 56.07 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
has 56.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, Valentines day
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
has 55.91 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, IT
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, fish
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