The best animal jokes

A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, time
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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has 55.72 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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has 55.72 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, travel
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, life, music
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