The best animal jokes

Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
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How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything.
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What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish.
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What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
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Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
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How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.
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Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
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