The best animal jokes

Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, disgusting, morbid, music
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs? A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
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has 57.99 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: animal, racist
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, math
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
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has 57.49 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, jewish
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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has 57.38 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely,  The CAT
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, weather
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