How do you know when a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked. "One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up." The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?" "You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
What's a moo hoo for grazing school? Grass class.
Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.
How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them.
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!