What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God.
What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
Show and smell.
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
Q: Which side of a deer has the most meat?
A: The inside.
I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!