The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, cowboy, time
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Vote: has 58.16 % from 74 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, jewish
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk." "Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, sport
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bird, work
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food


<<<73747576
More jokes →
Page 73 of 150.