The best animal jokes

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, flirt, sex
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
What do dinosaurs put on their floors? Rep-tiles.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, death, kids, Thanksgiving
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, mean, sport, time
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
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has 56.89 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, women
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
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has 56.88 % from 213 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, death
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