The best animal jokes

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, weather
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Gay translation I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head. He's kinda cute. I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue! He's not my type. He won't sleep with me. I miss you so much I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good. I had a wonderful time last night. Who the hell are you? Do you love me? I've done something stupid and you might find out. Do you 'really' love me? I've done something stupid and you're going to find out. I'll give you a call. I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again. I've been thinking a lot. You're not as attractive as when I was drunk. I think we should just be friends. You're ugly. I've learned a lot from you. Next!!!!
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has 54.49 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: animal, gay, love, masturbation, ugly
We must admit that we want to be like some animals. We all want to be strong like a bear, we want to have a sharp sight like a falcon, the intelligence like an owl, the endurance like a horse, we want to sing like a skylark, we want to be running like a fox and of course we all want to have the salivas like a dragon lizard.
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has 54.45 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, horse, life
A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the opera. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly "we’re going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper The edmonton sun, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, music, prison, work
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
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