The best animal jokes

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer. What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, Santa
What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, weather
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Gay translation I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head. He's kinda cute. I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue! He's not my type. He won't sleep with me. I miss you so much I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good. I had a wonderful time last night. Who the hell are you? Do you love me? I've done something stupid and you might find out. Do you 'really' love me? I've done something stupid and you're going to find out. I'll give you a call. I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again. I've been thinking a lot. You're not as attractive as when I was drunk. I think we should just be friends. You're ugly. I've learned a lot from you. Next!!!!
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has 54.32 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: animal, gay, love, masturbation, ugly
A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the opera. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly "we’re going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper The edmonton sun, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, music, prison, work
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