The best animal jokes

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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has 56.22 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
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has 56.13 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, marriage
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, food
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."
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has 55.71 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
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has 55.71 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, fish
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