The best animal jokes

A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bird, work
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal