Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d.
What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
Vote:
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg."
Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."