What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A: A snake in the brass.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses? A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."