The best animal jokes

How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black people, kids, racist
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
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More jokes about: animal, mean, party
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, money
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, elephant
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
Vote: has 57.95 % from 147 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, old people
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!". The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, game