Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay Fever.
What do cows like to do at amoosement parks?
Ride on the roller cowster.
What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud.
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger.