The best animal jokes

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dog, phone
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, geography
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, easter
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
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has 55.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."
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has 55.03 % from 380 votes. More jokes about: animal, golf, husband, money, sex
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