A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
What do cows like to do at amoosement parks? Ride on the roller cowster.
What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits? A cud thud.
If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef.
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office? An encownter group.