Why don't whales eat sushi very often?
Of course whales like sushi.
It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
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Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream.
How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid.
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.