A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? Stegosaur-rust.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
Why was cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.