Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
Chuck Norris bit a spider once then it became Spiderman!
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Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind?
A: A maybe.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds.
One of the boys said, "What is that?"
"They're smart pills," said the other boy.
"Eat them and they'll make you smarter."
So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap."
"See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
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A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him.
One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned.
"Finally, some company!" he thought.
While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
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Q: What did the apple say to the worm?
A: You're boring me.
How much do I owe Yo' Mama?
My dog came home happy last night.