Joke #14074

Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter? A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
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has 44.07 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: beauty, christian, easter

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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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has 72.64 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: christian, Christmas, church, easter, work
Jesus won't come back again. Why? Because he know you will kill him and see if he will wake up again.
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has 29.43 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, easter
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
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has 83.17 % from 779 votes. More jokes about: bird, dad, easter, little Johnny, Santa
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
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has 61.91 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: christian, communication, ethnic, heaven, time
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!
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has 48.41 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: blonde, easter, money, Santa, stupid
Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
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has 94.92 % from 1014 votes. More jokes about: christian, religious, science
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
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has 69.02 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: beauty, gay, management, navy
Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blonde decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow. Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing. Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on. The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of the horse, her head just inches from the ground... catastrophe seconds away. She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden... Frank, the Wal-Mart door man, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.
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has 77.57 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, horse
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
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has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, christian, money, old people, Yo mama
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
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has 43.46 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, chocolate, disgusting, easter, food