Joke #14074

Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter? A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

Jesus won't come back again. Why? Because he know you will kill him and see if he will wake up again.

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Q: Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill? A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.

You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.

Jesus walks into an inn and hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

Think of the hottest woman. Chuck Norris did her.