Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter?
A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
Jesus won't come back again.
Why?
Because he know you will kill him and see if he will wake up again.
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it.
After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help.
She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
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Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.
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Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.
That makes it a plant.
Therefore, chocolate is salad.
Happy Easter!
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!
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You are so selfish!
You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.
"What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
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