Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter?
A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
Jesus won't come back again.
Why?
Because he know you will kill him and see if he will wake up again.
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
"Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
Q: What is the only thing you will ever hear being said to a Mexican wearing a 3pc suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise".
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight?
A: They make up.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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