The best birthday jokes

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Vote: has 70.20 % from 284 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
Vote: has 68.60 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends. He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped." A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape. When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, birthday, cop, friendship
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 66.27 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Vote: has 64.76 % from 257 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, Facebook, wife