The best birthday jokes

I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
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has 71.03 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: birthday, music, party, terrorist
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 70.93 % from 310 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 70.40 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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has 70.30 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, kids
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 69.20 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde