The best birthday jokes

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
Vote: has 70.59 % from 108 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Vote: has 70.23 % from 288 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
Vote: has 69.28 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 67.10 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex