The best birthday jokes

A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 71.01 % from 322 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 68.86 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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has 68.26 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, kids
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 67.00 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting
I tried to get into a trendy New York nightclub last night. The doorman said to me, "Sorry mate, you've had too many". I replied, "What, drinks?" He said, "No, birthdays!"
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, old people
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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has 65.83 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday? A: An easy bake oven.
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has 65.47 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, Hitler, morbid