The best birthday jokes

Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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has 71.76 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 70.53 % from 302 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?" "Because that's where we conceived her." "Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, family, geography, sex
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 67.83 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
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has 66.87 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, kids
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?" "Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: birthday, family, little Johnny