The best birthday jokes

After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 70.66 % from 296 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
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has 67.24 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday? A: An easy bake oven.
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has 67.10 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, Hitler, morbid
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?" "Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
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has 66.98 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: birthday, family, little Johnny
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 66.90 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex