The best birthday jokes

If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
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has 65.14 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Facebook, wife
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
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has 59.51 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
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has 58.27 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him. The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
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has 57.98 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, time, wife
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends. He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped." A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape. When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, cop, friendship
This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: birthday, blonde
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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has 55.44 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage