The best birthday jokes

If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Vote:
has 65.14 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Facebook, wife
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
Vote:
has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him. The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
Vote:
has 58.94 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, time, wife
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
Vote:
has 58.11 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
Vote:
has 57.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: birthday, blonde
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
Vote:
has 56.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Vote:
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Vote:
has 54.88 % from 262 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, husband, marriage, time