The best black humor jokes

Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
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has 72.80 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, heaven, women
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
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has 72.70 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, music
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
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has 72.56 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: black humor, couple, death, money, old people
Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest. This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid. I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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has 72.29 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black humor
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common? A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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has 72.17 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: black humor, morbid, Yo mama
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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has 72.02 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
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