So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
Vote:
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
Vote:
What goes: "Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?"
A blind person with a rubix cube.
Vote:
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
Vote:
What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.
Vote:
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Vote:
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!"
I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
Vote:
So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
Vote:
Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.
Vote: