Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me. I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.