When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.