What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common? The Hanger.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? A: He wiped his bottom.
Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"