Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
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Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
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So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
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Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
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Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
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My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
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What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.
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Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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