What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.
Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team? A: The New York Jets.