Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.
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Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
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What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack.
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I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies?
A: Taking them out with pitchforks.
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