Q: Why did hitter kill himself? A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces. So too has his boot.
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life. The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.