What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan. Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself. She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son. The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."
Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team? A: The New York Jets.