Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? A: He wiped his bottom.
Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."