I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.
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Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
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Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.
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Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back
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Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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