Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor". The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news". The doctor replies, "He's dead".
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars. The last one was called the Hindenburg.
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender? A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream. Q: How do you get them out? A: Chips.