Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?" "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth? A: All of them.
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."