A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.