Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid? A: An Easy-Bake Oven.
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.