The best business jokes

A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: business, sex
Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. "Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. "Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man. "No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: business, disgusting
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, mean
A blonde enters a library. She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola." The librarian says "Ma'am this is library." So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, business, food, stupid
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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has 65.08 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: business, Chuck Norris, disgusting
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, geography
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black humor, business, health
In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove. "Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?" "I'm looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It's called Dante's Inferno." "I definitely don't want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history." "Do you have Shakespeare in English?"
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, dinosaur, stupid
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said. So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. " As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself."
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: bar, business, college, school, student
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