The best business jokes

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, Christmas
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, business, time, work
Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. "Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. "Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man. "No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
Vote: has 66.21 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, disgusting
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
Vote: has 66.16 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, celebrity, fart, IT, phone
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, business, health
You should try the new Starbucks terrorist latte... it has a white fluffy head with 2 shots in it.
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, terrorist
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said. So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. " As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself."
Vote: has 63.26 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, business, college, school, student
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, customer service, geography
In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove. "Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?" "I'm looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It's called Dante's Inferno." "I definitely don't want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history." "Do you have Shakespeare in English?"
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, dinosaur, stupid