Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking? A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz. When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish. ''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains. ''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.) ''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage. Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard. Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers? A: To stop him from going OW OW OW!
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
James Bond got this email from a friend: CanYouPleaseFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
Chuck Norris killed Heath Ledger... nobody ruins the image of cowboys and lives.
Darth Vader wears a Chuck Norris mask for Halloween.
Bill Gates was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. Bill Gates looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"