J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died? Everyone at Apple are crying their's out!
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swieznigger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man". Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man". Chuck Norris said "get the fuck out of my chair".