Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible? A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
The church is struck by lightning. The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as. The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church. One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead. A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side. Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
Q: What animal could Noah not trust? A: Cheetah.
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.