The best christian jokes

A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead. A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side. Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: christian, stupid
Q: What animal could Noah not trust? A: Cheetah.
has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: bible, christian, game
Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter? A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
has 57.69 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: beauty, christian, easter
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
has 56.22 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible. After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bible, christian, customer service, dinosaur, stupid
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: bible, christian, work
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, christian, money, old people, Yo mama
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
has 50.96 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, christian, Chuck Norris, communication
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, christian, insulting, school
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