Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
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My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her.
It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
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Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
A: He thought he saw a job.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
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You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter?
A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said
"I bet I can walk across the water."
He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said
"They did it that means I do it." ,
He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?"
Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
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