In fourth grade, a teacher edited Chuck Norris's essay. Big mistake. You don't edit Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris edits you... with his fist.
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
Chuck Norris didn't cross the road... he was already on the other side...
The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia? 2 months... How does he get there? He walks.
Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so. He remind him of Trivette...