If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
Chuck Norris stem cells can reproduce missing limbs.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.