The best dirty jokes

Teacher: "Who can tell a story?" Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass." Teacher: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
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has 64.14 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 63.89 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
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has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, religious, wife
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
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has 63.78 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, sex
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
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has 63.73 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: dirty, ugly
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
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has 63.68 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
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has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
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has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty, single
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