The best dirty jokes

Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
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has 63.80 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
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has 63.78 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, sex
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
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has 63.68 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
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has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
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has 63.45 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 63.42 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty
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