The best dirty jokes

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
Vote:
has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
Vote:
has 64.73 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, Valentines day
One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
Vote:
has 64.71 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dirty, god, science
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Vote:
has 64.51 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, football, sport
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
Vote:
has 64.50 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: dirty, technology
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
Vote:
has 64.45 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night? A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and...
Vote:
has 64.35 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Dad says to his son, "Don't mast*rbate to much because you will go blind." Son say, "I'm over here?"
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Teacher: How we use the light? Pupil: To suck it? Teacher: Why do you say so? Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, family
<<<52535455
More jokes →
Page 52 of 96.