The best dirty jokes

What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
Vote: has 65.92 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
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Teacher: How we use the light? Pupil: To suck it? Teacher: Why do you say so? Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
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More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
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I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
Vote: has 65.74 % from 105 votes. Send joke:
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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Vote: has 65.67 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
Vote: has 65.67 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "Indeed I am." The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
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Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Vote: has 65.57 % from 257 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, mechanic, sex


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