The best dirty jokes

Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
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has 65.49 % from 222 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, men, women
A father has three daughters that are all getting married on the same day. He asks his oldest daughter, ''Who do you wish to marry? She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.'' He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.'' He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing: ''Who do you wish to marry?'' She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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has 65.25 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide. ‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian. The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section. It’s empty.’ ‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian. ‘They don’t often bring them back.'
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has 65.25 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots. The bartender asks him if it's a special occation? The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob". The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house". The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
"For love on the first sight, there's a tremendous medicine!" "What medicine?" "To get another look...!"
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love
Q: What did the nut say to the bolt? A: Screw me.
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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