Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
Whats the second thing thats hard in the morning? waking up!
What kind of bees make milk? Boo-Bees!
Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra? A: Oooh - Henry!
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom." One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door. He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away." She says: "What about the good in bed part?" He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
The Unfortunate Penis: - You've got a hole in your head. - You always hang around with two nuts. - Your closest neighbor is an a**hole. - Your best friend is a pussy. - Every time you get excited, you throw up.
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
What has 100 teeth and eats weiners? A zipper!
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Q: What do you get when you cross a elephant with a witch? A: I don’t know but she will need a very large broom!