The best dirty jokes

Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms. The mom walked by all the rooms. The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet. The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."
Vote:
has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Me: Can I call an officer a pussy? Cop: No. Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?' Cop: I guess you could... Me: Goodnight, officer
Vote:
has 62.76 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
Vote:
has 62.75 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems. This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy. There is only one side effect. That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
Vote:
has 62.73 % from 274 votes. More jokes about: dating, dirty, disgusting, fart, sex
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
Vote:
has 62.71 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: dirty, wife
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Vote:
has 62.69 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, party
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, dirty, family, stupid
<<<54555657
More jokes →
Page 54 of 96.