I think I just evolved into Homo Erectus.
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
Yo mama so fat when she uses a space shuttle as a vibrator.
A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom. He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed. When the priest tried to have sex with her, the girl shouted: "Father, what are you doing?" The priest replied "Calm down my child. Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."