Q: Do you know what 69 is? A: It's a good thing screwed up by a period.
Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
How does a gay man fake an orgasm? He spits on his partners back.
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Yo mama so fat when she uses a space shuttle as a vibrator.
I've some bread dough in my pants. Wanna see if it rises?
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."