The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamt that Venus was strokin' his penis And woke with a handfull of goo
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world." Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.
Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg? Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy. The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy. The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong. With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.