Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
Q: What's grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!
There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamt that Venus was strokin' his penis And woke with a handfull of goo